WE STILL HATE YOU ROCHESTER
Here are several jokes I have collected over the years about the Riverhounds and fellow soccer teams.
Three soccer fans leave the stadium after a game and come across a
dead, naked woman lying in the middle
of the street. After they call
the cops, they each take off their soccer caps and place them on the dead
woman out of
respect and to cover her private parts until the cops arrive.
The first fan places his Pittsburgh Riverhounds cap over
her left breast, the second Places his Harrisburg Islanders cap on her right breast and the third fan covers her privates
with his Wilmington Hammerheads cap.
The cops finally arrive and take statements from the fans
who covered her up and examine the body. One of the cops lifted the Riverhounds cap, and quickly replaced it; then he lifted
the Islanders cap, and also quickly replaced it. However, when he lifted the Hammerheads cap, he stared and stared for
a couple of minutes. Finally, he let the cap drop, walked away, wrote in his notebook, then returned and lifted the Hammerheads
cap once again and stared for a long time.
As he was walking away the second time, the curious
fans stopped him and asked why he spent so much time looking at the woman's privates. He replied, "It's the first time I've
seen anything but an asshole under a Hammerheads cap."
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A couple in the
middle of a messy divorce case find themselves in court battling over custody of little Johnny, their only child. In order
to make a fair decision over the boys future, the Judge takes Johnny into his private chambers so that he can find out which
of the parents the boy would prefer to live with.
"Well, Johnny" says the Judge, "Would you like to live with your Mother?"
"No"
replied Johnny, "she beats me all the time"
"Well then," the Judge continues, "Would you like to live your your Father?"
"No"
replied Johnny again, "He beats me all the time too!"
The Judge looks exasperated and says to the boy "Well Johnny,
who would you like to live with?"
"I'd like to live with Charlotte Eagles" the boy replied quickly.
"Why on earth would
you want to live with the Charlotte Eagles?" replied the now extremely puzzled Judge.
"Well" replied Johnny, "They never
beat anyone"
3
guys were in front of a very stupid firing squad. 2 Riverhounds fans, and an Eagle fan.The 1 Riverhound fan yelled
"Look Tornado", and the firing squad turned around well the Riverhound fan ran away. Then the other Hound fan seeing
the clever idea by the other fan yelled "look hurricane" and everyone turned and looked only to find nothing.
The
Eagles fan got the idea and yelled "Fire"
Three
Riverhound fans and three Rhino are traveling by train to the A-League cup. At the station, the three Rhinos each buy a ticket
and watch as the three Riverhounds buy just one ticket.
"How
are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" Asks one of the Rhino fans.
"Watch and learn," answers one of the Riverhound fans.They all board
the train.
The three Rhino Fans men take their respective seats but all three Riverhound
fans cram into a toilet together and close the door.
Shortly after the train has departed,
the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket please. "The door opens just
a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The
Rhino fans see this happen and agree it was quite a clever idea, so after the game, they decide to do the same thing on the
return trip and save some money.
When they get to the station the Rhino fans buy a single
ticket for the return
trip again, but the three Riverhound fans don't buy any ticket at all.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one or the perplexed Rhino fans.
Watch and learn," answers the men from the Pittsburgh.
When they board
the train the three Rhino fans cram themselves
into a toilet and the three Riverhound fans cram into another toilet just down the way.
Shortly
after the train is on its way, one of the Riverhound fans leaves their toilet
and walks over to the toilet in which the Rhino fans are hiding. The Riverhound fan knocks on their door and says, "Ticket
please."
Chris Robinson goes
into the Riverhound locker room to find all his team Mates looking a bit glum.
"What's up?" he asks.
"Well,
we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only the Islanders. Robo looks
at them and says "Well, I reckon I can beat these by myself, you guys go down the pub."
So Robinson goes out
to play the Islanders by himself and the rest of the Riverhounds team go off for a few beers. After a few pints they
wonder How the game is going, so they get the lbar to put the TV on.
A big cheer goes up as the screen reads "Riverhounds
1 - Islanders 0 (Robinson 10 minutes)" He is beating the Islanders all by himself!
Anyway, a few more pints
later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers "It must be full time now, let's see how he got on" They put the TV
on. "Result from Harrisburg: Islanders 1 Riverhounds 1 (Robinson 10 minutes) (City ILanders89 minutes). They can't
believe it, he has single handedly got a draw against Harrisburg!!
They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate him.
They find him in
The dressing room, stil in his gear, sat with his head in his hands.
He refuses to look at them.
"I've let you down, I've let you down"
"Don't be crazy, you got a draw against Harrisburg, all by yourself. And they only
scored at the very very end!"
"No, No, I have, I've let you down!. I got sent off after 12 minutes"
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A Riverhound supporter is walking through the streets of Rochester.
As he's walking he sees a pit bull attacking a little kid. The Riverhound fan knows he needs to do something or else
this kid will be ripped apart. He runs over, pulls the dog away from the kid, and kills it. He then takes his Hound's
jersey off to stop the bleeding. As this occured a local reporter saw it. Amazed at the man's bravery, he begins writing a
story for the paper. The reporter said, "That was amazing, you just saved that kid's life. I want to get some info on you
for the paper. Now i saw you had a jersey on, are you a Rhinos supporter? The man said "No, I support the Riverhounds."
After giving the man a disappointed look, the reporter started writing, "Scumbag Kills Family Pet".
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You're trapped in a room with a man-eating
tiger, an angry bear and a Rhino fan, and all you have is a gun with 2 bullets. What do you do?
Shoot the Rhino
fan twice.
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The US Post Office had to recall the new
Bill Sedgewick postage stamp. It seems customers couldn't decide which side to spit on.
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A Pittsburgh driver used to amuse himself by running over every Rhino
fan
he would see strutting down the side of the road in their ubiquitous green and yellow colors. He would swerve to
hit them and there would be a loud ''THUMP'' and then he would swerve back on the road.
One day, as the driver was
driving along, he saw a priest hitch-hiking. He thought
he would do a good turn and pulled the van over. He asked the
Priest ''''where are you going, Father?''
''I''m going to say mass at St. Joseph''s church, about 2 miles down
the road'' replied the priest.
''No problem Father! I''ll give you a lift! Climb in!''
The happy priest climbed
into the passenger seat and the van continued down the road.
Suddenly the driver saw a Rhino fan walking down the road
and instinctively
swerved to hit him. But, just in time, he remembered the priest, so at the last
minute he swerved
back to the road, narrowly missing the bastard.
However even though he was certain he missed the house-robbing, grannystabbing, bastard, he still heard a loud ''THUD.''
Not understanding where the noise came from,
he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn''t see anything he turned to the priest and said ''I''m sorry Father, I almost
hit the Rhino fan.''
''That''s okay'' replied the priest. ''I got the bastard with the door!''
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A Rhino fan, a Riverhound fan and a Impact fan were all in Saudi Arabia,
sharing
a smuggled crate of booze. All of a sudden the Saudi police
rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol
is a severe
offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught
consuming the booze, they
were sentenced to death!
However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they
were able to
successfully appeal their sentence down to life
imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the
day
their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could
be released after receiving just
20 lashes each of the whip.
As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh suddenly said:
"It's my first
wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of
you one wish before your whipping."
The Impact
fan was first in line (he had drunk the least), so he thought
about this for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow
to my back."
This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went
through. The Impact fan
had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain
when the punishment was done. The Rhino fan was next up
and after watching the scene, said:" Please fix two pillows on my back, under my dress" But even
two pillows & 1 dress
could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through
again.
The Riverhound fan was the last one up
(he had finished off the crate), but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most
beautiful part of the world, your city has some of the best bars, nightclubs
and restaurants in North America, your
city and football team is known throughout the world (I wish). For this, you may have two wishes!"
"In recognition
of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not
20, but 100 lashes."
"Not only are you an honourable,
handsome and powerful man, you are also
very brave." The Sheik says with an admiring look on his face. "If 100
lashes
is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it
to be?" the Sheikh asks.
"Please tie the Rhino
fan to my back."
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A Lynx fan had a friend at his house to watch a game. Lynx got a corner
kick, and when they did, the guy's dog got so excited he jumped up in the air and did a backflip.
"Wow," said the
friend, "that's amazing! I've never seen anything like it!"
"Yeah," said the dog's owner, "he does that anytime they
get a corner kick."
"Wow. What does he do when they score a goal?"
"Dunno. I've only had him for two years."
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There was a boy who was a Riverhound fan in a school in Rochester. All the
other classmates and the teacher were Rochester fans. The teacher was asking each child what they did at the weekend.
When she asked the boy he replied "I went to Bethel Park Stadium to watch the Riverhounds, miss". "Why did you go
there ?" asked the teacher, somewhat bemused. "I support the Riverhounds, miss. So does my dad and my mom .". The
teacher, a bit annoyed at this news asked the boy, "So if your dad was a drug dealer and your mum was a prostitute would you
follow what they did.". The boy answered "No miss, that would make me a Rhino fan."
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There was this group of people on a tour-bus. The guide on the bus asks if anyone on the bus could tell the
rest a joke, whereupon a man got up and said that he could tell a Rhino joke. Suddenly a man in the back of the
bus said, "No, dont do that. Im a Rhino Supporter" The guide looked at him and said, "Thats okay. Well explain it to you afterwards."
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A fan bought Riverhound ticket from a scalper which ended up being high up in the nose-bleed section. He could
barely see the field, and scanning the stadium couldn't see a single open seat among the +100k in attendance. (Someday....Someday)
Still, he thought, he would try to sneak his way down and try to find an empty seat closer to field level. "What's the worst
that could happen?" he thought. "If the security guards catch me, they'll either kick me out or tell me to sit back in my
seat."
So he stood up and discreetly made his way down. To his surprise, he made it
all the way down uncontested to the first row, right in the middle of the center section where an old man was sitting, with
an empty seat next to him.
"Excuse me sir," asked the fan to the old man, "is this
seat taken?"
The old man shook his head. "No, it's not. Go ahead and sit down."
Ecstatic, the fan sat down and started enjoying the game. Ten minutes later, though, the fan turned to the old man and asked,
"Sir, with all due respect, how is it that there was an empty seat in such a prime location??? This is a Riverhound game,
after all!!!"
The old man answered sadly. "My wife and I had attended every single
Riverhound game since the first one back in '98. However, my wife very recently passed away."
Taken aback, the fan took a moment before answering. "I'm sorry to hear that sir, but don't you have a relative or a friend
that you could have brought here in her place?"
"No," the old man replied, "they're
all at the funeral."
C'MON YOU HOUNDS!
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